Salvage

I am cyclical. By that I mean that I immerse myself in something until I have absorbed as much as I can possibly hold...and then I'm done for a while. It's true with just about everything in my life, from writing to photography to pizza. Can't get enough...and then I'm done.

The photo above was taken in a period when I should have stopped. What you see is not what came out of the camera. I was uninspired. The lighting was uninspired. The model was uninspired. It was snowing outside and the only thing I really wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch endless episodes of "Law & Order." Still, I felt like I needed to get some work done, so I hired a model and came up with an idea that simply did not pan out.

Still, I didn't destroy the files. I new that there was something there, and that in time I'd figure it out. Never say never is my motto.

And in the past year I've been studying magazines. In particular Vogue and Vanity Fair. I'm on a five-year mission to shoot the cover of Vanity Fair, and I have about three years and nine months left. That clock ticks louder every day. And it was in response to that clock that I hired a model and hung a backdrop. And then buried myself in other photographers' work for about a year.

I can't remember the layout, but it was in Vogue, and the image was similar to the above. Suddenly it became clear to me that photography did not need to be crisp and clean all the time. That sometimes, focus can and should be manipulated.

And I've decided that is a great philosophy to apply to life. Some things need examination and reflection. And some do not. And sometimes you just need to put things in a drawer and let them mature.

The more I look at this photo, the more I love it. It represents more to me than a model in a bad white jacket. It demonstrates much, much more to me than that.

It's all about focus. And timing. And patience.