I Am Not An Artist

The past few weeks have been dedicated to expanding my Photoshop knowledge. To that end I've been studying several different books to beef up my abilities. Much, much to learn. Above is an assignment out of one of those books that took me about a week to complete. A real artist probably could have done it in an hour. Still, I got a lot out of the exercise. I am now on the third text that exceeds five hundred pages. I'm on page forty to be precise. And the clock is ticking loudly on the second play that I promised to have drafted by Memorial Day.

What's a camera?

Elizabeth Taylor

I've never been one to publicly mourn the passing of a celebrity. That said, Elizabeth Taylor died yesterday and attention must be paid.

I can't say that I held her in much regard as an actress. She was all right, but no Davis or Hepburn, or even Monroe. With the exception of Virginia Woolf I always found her performances a little too self aware. My favorite performance is as Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Without a doubt a flawed performance, but still strong and she more than holds her own with Newman and Ives.

Her beauty is remarkable, but there have been others and will be more. Noting a woman because of her looks is demeaning. Elizabeth Taylor was so much more.

Elizabeth Taylor embodies power and strength. The Elizabeth Taylor story is one of incredible success. A product of the Hollywood studio system, she managed to bridge the gap from glamorous indentured servant to media tycoon. In a way that Marilyn Monroe never did, Elizabeth Taylor harnessed the energy of the public's desire for her and turned it into immeasurable power. She did it at a time that was less permissive in general and downright oppressive for women. Several times during her life she tried to sublimate her power in favor of conforming to societal norms for women, and always with disastrous results. But in her fifties she embraced, harnessed, and used her power, first by exploding her corporate presence and then directing her energies into philanthropy. And she did it as a lady. Without her there could be no Madonna or Hillary Rodham Clinton. Or Sarah Palin.

Elizabeth Taylor's strength is best told in the story of AIDS. In the 1980's, when no one -- no one -- was addressing the issue, Elizabeth Taylor stood up and dared to speak its name. She went before Congress and demanded funds for research, and when she found the official world response lacking she forged ahead and raised the funds for research herself. Long before there were red ribbons and walkathons and bikeathons, there was Elizabeth Taylor.

But on an even subtler level Elizabeth Taylor blazed the way for the general public to accepting the LGBT community. When Rock Hudson announced that he had AIDS, the real shock to American culture wasn't that he was sick and dying. It was that he was gay. Elizabeth Taylor didn't publicly embrace her friend in a demonstration of acceptance of his sexuality. By embracing her friend in response to his ailment, she helped the world set aside its petty labelizing and showed the world what was truly important. Love.

Elizabeth Taylor led by example in so many, many ways. We didn't just lose a celebrity, or an icon. We lost a great American.

Investment

So the past month has been all about studying Photoshop. Exhausting. But much, much progress. And a new light! My first strobe, with a second on the way. The one I want is oh-so expensive, but is the workhorse that I read I need. Or I could go with a less expensive model and scrape by. Nope! I'm buying the good piece of equipment. Even if I have to wait a few more weeks to make it happen. Major investment, but in the end so worth it.

And this weekend, regardless of the weather, I will be making my first photo safari of the year. It's time to get my butt in gear and expand that portfolio. It seems like for every photo I put in, I pull out two. The eye is developing faster than the output.

And my play is languishing! But it's in there, just waiting for me to sit down and get to work.

Why are there only twenty-four hours in a day?

Growth and Evolution

I'm not a writer. I'm not a photographer. I'm a portfolio updater.

Rejection

My play received its first rejection. In a way that was kind of comforting. Rejection is part of the process, and it might mean the end of the road for this project at this location, in the overall scheme of things it means that I'm still participating. I got a standard electronic rejection instead of silence! Although it was from a super-major theatre in New York where I had less than a one percent chance of even being read, let alone produced, there was still a bit of a sting to the form e-mail telling me that they were not interested. It may have even been automatically generated without anyone so much as opening my submission.

Still, it's tangible proof that I'm participating -- and that feels good.

Salvage

I am cyclical. By that I mean that I immerse myself in something until I have absorbed as much as I can possibly hold...and then I'm done for a while. It's true with just about everything in my life, from writing to photography to pizza. Can't get enough...and then I'm done.

The photo above was taken in a period when I should have stopped. What you see is not what came out of the camera. I was uninspired. The lighting was uninspired. The model was uninspired. It was snowing outside and the only thing I really wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch endless episodes of "Law & Order." Still, I felt like I needed to get some work done, so I hired a model and came up with an idea that simply did not pan out.

Still, I didn't destroy the files. I new that there was something there, and that in time I'd figure it out. Never say never is my motto.

And in the past year I've been studying magazines. In particular Vogue and Vanity Fair. I'm on a five-year mission to shoot the cover of Vanity Fair, and I have about three years and nine months left. That clock ticks louder every day. And it was in response to that clock that I hired a model and hung a backdrop. And then buried myself in other photographers' work for about a year.

I can't remember the layout, but it was in Vogue, and the image was similar to the above. Suddenly it became clear to me that photography did not need to be crisp and clean all the time. That sometimes, focus can and should be manipulated.

And I've decided that is a great philosophy to apply to life. Some things need examination and reflection. And some do not. And sometimes you just need to put things in a drawer and let them mature.

The more I look at this photo, the more I love it. It represents more to me than a model in a bad white jacket. It demonstrates much, much more to me than that.

It's all about focus. And timing. And patience.

The Return of the AWOL Photographer

Oh, gentle reader, how you must feel neglected. And rightfully so. But do not think that just because I've been neglectful of you that I've been ignoring my crafts. Not true! Much has been going on!

Above, you see a headshot for Lars. Lars, along with a group of actors from Norway, came to study theatre in Chicago. The long and the short of their visit is that they each fell in love with Chicago and the theatre scene. And before they returned to Norway for the holidays and then to Berlin for more study, they contacted me to do their headshots. These were my kind of actors.

Of course the industry is quite a bit different in Norway than it is in the United States. Still these brash young actors weren't afraid to try something different in the way of headshots. Because we were in Chicago, we did the classic natural light mugshot that is required, but we also were able to do something that was representative of who each actor is an artist. Lars wanted something that was suitable for his music career as well.

A bit extreme? Perhaps. But for those actors who are wanting to work for experimental storefront theatre in Chicago, which headshot is going to get the director to flip it over and give the resume a look? This, or the natural light mugshot?